Friday, January 11, 2013

Weighing In on Negativity

 It’s been a while since a weigh-in has bothered me significantly. I am not one of those people who cares to weigh herself regularly. But a weigh-in takes on a whole new meaning when it’s my favorite little dog, and when his weight is an indicator of something as scary as cancer.

After Diabetes Scare 2012, the vet guessed Webster’s inexplicable weight loss was due to his food. But, she said, if after a diet change he hadn’t gained weight in a month, they would test for cancer. I heard those words and closed my eyes and said a little prayer. But I had to think he would be OK, because spending a month in terror during the month of December seemed unfathomable and pointless. The outcome would be what it would be.

And for a month, I cherished all my special moments with him just in case. But we weighed in today, and he is OK. Thank God.

I am not one to say I had a feeling he would be OK or that I believed he would be OK and so he was. I think that is all or mostly bullshit. You won’t find me reading The Secret, that’s for sure. But, I am proud of my mindset this past month, especially because the 20-year-old me would’ve taken a different approach.

It’s freeing to know that I spent the last month enjoying my time with my little guy regardless and that I didn’t let worry or fear impact my holidays or my life. I could’ve fretted and panicked all month long, but I made a decision not to do so. That would've been to grieve a loss I hadn't experienced yet, and why would anyone want to do that?

The results of today’s weigh-in would’ve been the same had I been a hot mess for the last 30 days. He would have either been sick or not. Had he been sick, I would’ve had to grieve then anyway.

I’m so incredibly grateful he’s not sick. But he will be someday. And it’s so important to make a decision to enjoy the moments now without worrying about later. There’s no need to grieve my loss more than once, when it’s necessary.

May we all remember to make the decision that when it comes our loved ones, we will grieve only once.

And may Webster remain at his current healthy weight for at least 30more years. ;)

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