Saturday, December 31, 2011
I don’t set New Year’s resolutions for the same reason I don’t diet. If I don’t reach my goals, I feel guilty, like I’ve failed. It doesn’t matter if I’ve achieved small victories along the way.
So when I set out to live my life not dictated by excuses, I refused to call it any sort of resolution. It was less about the year 2011 and more about setting forth to achieve one thing at a time. I wanted to feel proud of my achievements – I didn’t want to minimize them because I didn’t accomplish all of them within the year.
And now here we are, with the end of the year approaching. I’ve learned a lot about myself.
I’ve learned, for instance, that risk is necessary for return. Sure, it’s a simple fact. But it’s a simple fact I had to feel to know. Saying goodbye to safety can feel like you’ve been punched in the stomach, the air knocked right out of you. But if you cling to what is safe, you never can experience what is good and new and right.
I’ve learned that some things can be fun even if you’re not good at them. I have never misjudged myself as a coordinated athlete. But knowing I was uncoordinated provided me an excuse to avoid fun activities. Skiing, running, playing basketball and going for bike rides were dismissed as activities that weren’t for me, because I figured I wouldn’t be good at them.
Well, sure, skiing down a mountain holding onto my friend’s ski poles while he held them horizontally and skied backward in front of me wasn’t the most exhilarating experience. In fact, there were moments of fear and moments of butt-bruising involved. But you know what? I had fun. We laughed the whole way down, and we gave everyone we passed a good laugh as well.
I’ve learned that things change, and I change right along with them. And that I need to pay closer attention to the changes, so I can learn to enjoy them or, well, brace for them. Exhibit A: Who woulda thunk someone could become susceptible to sea sickness with age? Rocking boats never used to bother me. But boy, do they now. But then again, I never would’ve guessed I’d enjoy riding my bike as much as I do. Sure, riding on the city streets still scares the bejeezus out of me, but I’m doing it anyway.
Behold, some of my 2011 accomplishments:
Played basketball with the big boys
Returned to yoga (sort of)
Broke old patterns
Wore shorts, psoriasis or not
So I had a good year. I'm learning to love myself. Really love myself. Without judgment, expectations or success. Just to love and accept myself the way I am.
Because some people are meant to ski down mountains.
And some people are meant to move them.